How do you know when it’s time for an ending? Do you make a list of pros and cons for letting it go? Or should it be the opposite focus, a list of pros and cons for keeping it going? Can you solicit the opinions of others to help you? Do you journal about it? How about tarot cards? How do you KNOW?
What I have found is that I have to still my mind, quiet the thoughts, and listen. Others’ feedback is useful, but can block out the inner voice that is trying to help me understand how I really feel. Because it is about feeling. Not thinking. It’s about paying attention to how our body actually feels when we face a choice of letting something go.
When considering ending something, does your body feel lighter? Or when, conversely, continuing it do you feel a tightness in your stomach or chest? These are signs. We are wiser than we know. Our body can guide us. If we just listen.
I have reached a crossroads in my life. I have been spending a lot of time listening to that inner voice. A voice that is deep down inside, one that I can trust, if I just open myself to its wisdom. Paying attention to my body, hearing what it is telling me.
And the answer I got is a bit scary. It’s probably not what my mind would have chosen. Because my mind would listen to the opinions of others, perhaps giving them more weight than my own. Because my mind would worry about taking care of others first, myself later, if at all. Because my mind would be very practical. Because my mind might not consider my heart.
But it’s my heart that I must heed.
And so, after a lot of listening, and trust, and making a choice despite the fear that comes up, I have decided to stop teaching belly dance classes. It is time.
And not a choice I made quickly or easily.
But I feel in my body, that the end has come.
Saying good-bye is bittersweet. It is saying good-bye to a routine, to friends, to a creative space, to part of myself. But it is also making room for something new that needs expression in my life. It is saying hello to another part of me, one who has been waiting patiently in the background all these years. One who will not let me forget, or ignore, or neglect her any longer.
Teaching belly dance classes and owning my own business has empowered me. It has given me a voice. It has gifted me with confidence. Joy. A community of women. Connection. It has given my creativity a name and expression. It has helped me soar!
Now though, it’s time for ART. This is where my heart is. This is what has been waiting since I can remember. It has been waiting for me to discover this part of myself that is confident, empowered, joyful, and creative. Belly dance has gotten me here. To this place. And it is still a part of me. But it will be joined by a new part of me. Like peeling an onion, finding the new layers, I am revealing the core of who I am meant to be.
Thank you to each and every woman who I have danced with the past 3 years ~ thank you for your grace, your patience, your laughter, your friendship, your frustration with learning for through it I learned as well, your joy from pushing beyond the boundaries, your sisterhood, your boldness, and your spirit.
Blessings on the journey, and don’t forget to shimmy along the way!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Endings and Beginnings
“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
Seneca. Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD
PS ~ If you're here, you've found my new home, my new expression. Welcome! I'd love to see you here, in this new place, drop me a line at this address: expressyoursoul (at) gmail (dot) com. Or leave a comment below. Look forward to connecting with you in a new way!
Also, Kundalini Belly Dance Tribe will continue dancing! You can check out our latest performance schedule at http://www.kundalindance.com/. Our next event is October 17th at Sierra Ridge Winery at the Arts Extravaganza, a fundraiser to keep the arts in schools, come on out and support a great cause!