Friday, October 8, 2010

On Being Seen

I am in week 6 of 6 of an online class called BIG. It has sped by at warp speed, yet reflecting back to that first day, that first assignment ... it seems ages ago.

I have come a very long way in such a short amount of time.

So what is BIG? Well, it's a painting class. And it's not. Yes, you paint. And you paint on large, rather BIG surfaces, which in and of itself is quite a challenge (especially if you live in tiny cabin in the woods with sloped ceilings). But, oh, it is so much more.

It is about the process, and most definitely not about the end product. In that respect it differs from traditional art classes, where the purpose is to paint a picture and then hang it up for the rest of the class to critique the hell out of it. No, blessedly, this class is about putting yourself down on the paper, through paint, and sharing what that experience is about. The painting itself is reflection of that process. It is not about ending up with a pretty painting to hang behind your couch. (Although there were some pretty damn good paintings that came out of this group, let me tell you!)

And, this class is about FEAR. About taking a look at it, noticing it in your life, reflecting on where it pops up the most, and when it roars the loudest.

Yet mostly, for me, it was about listening. Really listening. Asking my inner critic to hush long enough to finally hear what my heart is searching for. Suggesting ever so kindly that she leave the room for a bit so that I can enjoy the creative process. Sometimes it meant locking her up in the closet, mouth taped, hands tied behind her back so I could finally learn that I do know what I want to do in this life. That I do have something to share.
That I am enough.

I've read many many times in my ever-searching, navel-gazing adulthood that our intuition, our inner guiding voice, our deep-knowing self has the answers that we seek. If only we'd listen. Okay, that's fine. But how the hell do you do that? Well, finally, I experienced it! And it blew my socks off. Or, as one of my fellow painters in the class says, it rocked my pop-tarts (I love pop-tarts, in all their badness, so I really love this saying, thanks Amanda!).

Through painting, through art, through creativity, I am able to hear that voice. And there's no going back now!

But, there's also one more vital component of BIG that alone is worth the price of the course.

And that is the gift of being seen.

I have never been in such a supportive, loving, safe and fun place ever before! The women I have met in this class are amazing. The space that Connie, the teacher, has created is incredible! In this place what you are creating, what you are feeling, what you are fearing, all of it, is held with the utmost tenderness. The swirling energy of sisterly love lifts you up just when you need it most. And if all of that sounds too gushy-mushy for you, please, you might want to reconsider. All that gooey love actually feels pretty damn good! Trust me.

So yes, I am suggesting you sign up for BIG. The next round starts October 24th.

You can find all the juicy loveliness of it right here: BIG.

Keep creating my friends!


  1. Here Here (or should I say: Hear, Hear!) BIG Sista!
    Amen and Amen

  2. Wow Tracy, I am so amazed at how BIG your life is becoming, how much you are opening up and discovering yourself and allowing it to shine forth. I love you dearly. I have a BIG smile of happiness on my face for you.