Friday, October 29, 2010

Randomness



I started a *routine* for myself of writing my blog on Fridays. It's been going swimmingly well.

Until today.

"Ruh rho Shaggy..." It's Friday. I don't have anything to write about. Oh dear.

So just to keep the practice going, and get the creativity flowing, I am treating this blog as a free-flow, stream of consciousness writing exercise.

Here's a little recap of this week ~

* i started a 30 day follow your bliss thing, today is day 5, so far so good, making sure the little details are seen to on a daily basis, such as incense, music, giggles, taking the time to stay a bit longer at the cafe to chat & connect with the owner, creating loveliness by making little handmade tabs for my new organizer, painting and decorating little hearts that will be anonymous give-aways to random strangers or friends, noticing the sun, looking up at the stars...

* battling the guilt about needing this one morning a week to myself rather than helping out at my son's classroom halloween party

* loving this time of year

* finding acceptance of where i'm at *career-wise* and noticing positive results

* dragging my feet and getting the studio cleaned out and *done*
(for obvious emotional reasons)

* so excited about my new organizer, i took a year off from being super-organized, it's been fun, relaxing, and also chaotic, so finding a new way to be that is in balance is the idea for the coming year

* fascinated by the vastness of this universe

* feeling a little melancholy, realizing it's been a social week, and i miss my down-time, my me-time, my quiet-go-within-time

* amazed that i have a piece of my art in an art show in Athens!

* grateful for the goodness that is my life


Here's to going with the flow!

Happy: Autumn, Halloween, Dia de los Muertos, Samhain, Harvest, Celtic New Year or whatever it is you celebrate this time of year... it sure is festive, isn't it?

Blessings on the journey!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Full Moon Dream Board

It's Full Moon time!

Inspired so much by Jamie Ridler!

"On October’s New Moon, I invited you to allow yourself to dream of luxuries, those delights that sometimes your inner censor might cut before they even make it to the board. Luxury doesn’t mean it’s something expensive or out of reach, just that it’s something beyond what you require, something extra, something that is simply about the delight of it. Is that what you’ve been gathering as we’ve journeyed towards this Full Harvest Moon?"

Learn more about Dream Boards
here.

Here's mine for this month.


Create your own, see what happens!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

So This Is How It Feels

I have been experiencing a pretty amazing awakening up here in the foothills the past month or so. Quietly, without a lot of fan fare, and in more like a *no duh* moment, I realized my life’s purpose.

Whoa.

But it wasn’t the kind of huge sing it from the rooftops, blast it on the internet, call Oprah, and tell every single person I know kind of revealing. Which surprised me. I think I’ve been searching for what feels to be most of my adult life, so surely, when I finally GOT IT*, everything would come to a screeching halt, fireworks would explode, the world would stop turning on its axis and Hollywood would call. And, surprise, none of that happened.

*Aside: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do think each and every one of us does have a life's purpose or calling; every. single. one. of. us.


To be honest, and also much to my surprise, I haven’t wanted any of that anyway. To have discovered this precious gem ~ one that has been buried deep within for so long, patiently waiting for me to be ready ~ has been a very tender process indeed. Instead, I feel like I need to get to know this part of myself before I’m ready to parade it around it front of others. I want to nurture this new being-ness, try it on, walk about the house a bit, share it with some sisters as tentative first steps, and little by little, expand and fill up this space that is truly me.

I think perhaps I feel so protective of what I am finally hearing because it is not one common to our modern society. It’s not something you’ll see in the classifieds section, or on TV (although, not having watched TV in a long time, I may need to research that, maybe it is on TV now, maybe it's already been a reality show?). And being a more or less private person, I tend to keep things to myself anyway. It’s just my nature.

So, I’m not quite ready to name it yet, or explain it in any way. After all, that’s what comes next, right? Because what also surprised me, is that even though I’ve discovered the what, the how is still a mystery. Oh. Wow. You mean, no fairy tale ending? Turns out there is more to the story than:

“...and once she discovered her life’s purpose, she lived happily ever after. The End.”

Ha ha! What a revelation that was!

So, no big outward changes over here. But TONS of inner reflection. A few colorful art journal pages. And not a little excitement about what the future holds.

Thanks for holding the space, and sharing this small but oh so giant reveal with me.

Glowing from within, smiling brightly, and peaceful at last.

Blessings on your journey…

tracy


Friday, October 15, 2010

Looking Back, Looking Ahead, But Really Trying to Stay Present


This week was my last week of teaching belly dance classes. One of the more difficult decisions I've made in my life, to stop doing something that is so much fun. But I knew it was time for a change. And although I'll still be dancing, the teaching part has come to an end (for now, she says with a grin). So, it's time to be still.

But, I'm a very much a goal-oriented person. I have no trouble finding new tasks, new challenges and new adventures to fill my life. That's how I get myself in trouble too. Over-committing myself to lots of very exciting projects. I finally ~ after all these years ~ realize that the quiet time, the time in-between, is valuable too. And necessary. One can't always be breathing out, life requires some in-breaths as well.

So I am challenging myself to just be for a while, without racing towards the next thing. And it will be a challenge, something that doesn't seem to come naturally to me. Perhaps you can all help me remember when you see me plotting and planning some new course?

And in being present, I am reflecting on where I am at this point in my life. Taking a look at some insights gleaned from the past few years of teaching. Here's what I've learned:

  • I am surrounded by beautiful women in my community

  • Being bold encourages others to be bold too

  • Teaching what you need to learn is a huge part of teaching

  • I can't wait until I'm the perfect weight to start something

  • Moments of insecurity are actually chances for growth

  • Taking time for oneself is just as important as giving to others

  • Not everyone needs what I have to offer

  • Music and dance are magical ways of staying in the present

  • Ants usually have great lessons to teach you when they invade your space

  • Being flexible is highly recommended

  • Laughter is key

  • Trying something is the only way to find out if it's a good fit for you

  • Not everything you try will fit, but how else will you know?

  • Holding your head high, shoulders back, rib cage raised makes you look like a goddess, until you truly feel like one

  • Listening to your intuition is vital

  • Trusting your intuition is even more important

  • Everyone can use a little jingle in their walk

  • Shimmying is therapeutic

  • Mirrors are not reality, pick the one that reflects you best, and move forward from there
I have been blessed these past few years. I hold them deeply in my heart. Thank you to each and every one of you beautiful dancers.

Friday, October 8, 2010

On Being Seen

I am in week 6 of 6 of an online class called BIG. It has sped by at warp speed, yet reflecting back to that first day, that first assignment ... it seems ages ago.

I have come a very long way in such a short amount of time.

So what is BIG? Well, it's a painting class. And it's not. Yes, you paint. And you paint on large, rather BIG surfaces, which in and of itself is quite a challenge (especially if you live in tiny cabin in the woods with sloped ceilings). But, oh, it is so much more.

It is about the process, and most definitely not about the end product. In that respect it differs from traditional art classes, where the purpose is to paint a picture and then hang it up for the rest of the class to critique the hell out of it. No, blessedly, this class is about putting yourself down on the paper, through paint, and sharing what that experience is about. The painting itself is reflection of that process. It is not about ending up with a pretty painting to hang behind your couch. (Although there were some pretty damn good paintings that came out of this group, let me tell you!)

And, this class is about FEAR. About taking a look at it, noticing it in your life, reflecting on where it pops up the most, and when it roars the loudest.


Yet mostly, for me, it was about listening. Really listening. Asking my inner critic to hush long enough to finally hear what my heart is searching for. Suggesting ever so kindly that she leave the room for a bit so that I can enjoy the creative process. Sometimes it meant locking her up in the closet, mouth taped, hands tied behind her back so I could finally learn that I do know what I want to do in this life. That I do have something to share.
That I am enough.


I've read many many times in my ever-searching, navel-gazing adulthood that our intuition, our inner guiding voice, our deep-knowing self has the answers that we seek. If only we'd listen. Okay, that's fine. But how the hell do you do that? Well, finally, I experienced it! And it blew my socks off. Or, as one of my fellow painters in the class says, it rocked my pop-tarts (I love pop-tarts, in all their badness, so I really love this saying, thanks Amanda!).

Through painting, through art, through creativity, I am able to hear that voice. And there's no going back now!

But, there's also one more vital component of BIG that alone is worth the price of the course.

And that is the gift of being seen.

I have never been in such a supportive, loving, safe and fun place ever before! The women I have met in this class are amazing. The space that Connie, the teacher, has created is incredible! In this place what you are creating, what you are feeling, what you are fearing, all of it, is held with the utmost tenderness. The swirling energy of sisterly love lifts you up just when you need it most. And if all of that sounds too gushy-mushy for you, please, you might want to reconsider. All that gooey love actually feels pretty damn good! Trust me.


So yes, I am suggesting you sign up for BIG. The next round starts October 24th.

You can find all the juicy loveliness of it right here: BIG.

Keep creating my friends!


Friday, October 1, 2010

How Radical Can You Get?


I love hanging out with my son. He and I have so much fun together. I love his imagination. His wild and free spirit. I want to be him when I grow up. It's true.

And there are times, too many says my inner critic, when I don't want to be his "mom." I just want to be his friend. You know, laugh and giggle and build legos and argue over who has the best monster face. I want to let someone else tell him it's time to brush his teeth, to finish chewing before he tells a story, to come and sit back down and finish his homework, or to please, please, please, get dressed so we can go.

At those times I'd rather be the one in life that gives him permission to be himself, to love creating, to nurture his imagination, to feel loved, and to know he can do ANYTHING! I want to paint BIG on the floor of our kitchen together. I want to lay on the deck at night and share stories about the stars. I want to mix and stir and bake and eat glorious amounts of muffins.

And I see time whiz past so incredibly fast. He was so small sooooo long ago. He is in school now. And I see these moments passing by. Feeling lost forever. And it makes me sad even as I absolutely love the bigger boy he is growing into.

But I know that I am also his mama. And it is up to me to make sure he eats his veggies, and gets to school on time, and is safe at the store not running into people at top speed. I do have a responsibility to be that one (along with his papa too).

Yet I work away from home. I also have that responsibility. And that doesn't leave a lot of time for many of the things I mentioned above. And really, that is the thread of where this is going.

So I can't help but question. Why does school have to start so early? Why does our society insist on work that takes us away from our families for so many hours a day? Why do we put up with an education system that insists on quantity over quality? Why do we spend so many hours working hard yet still feeling that we aren't getting anywhere? And the whoppers: Why do we let clocks and calendars rule our lives? (For an example of that just think of our crazy day light savings time in this country).
Why don't we all just say ENOUGH?!

I know there are people that do question these systems in place. You might call them, oh, let's say, homeschoolers. Or hippies. Or, depending on your perspective ~ Socialist Freaks! (Tee hee!)

You see, actually, I am one of these people too. (Not news to many of you.) I say in my heart ENOUGH. But in reality I keep going. I question, but I don't stop. Because you know what? It's hard to reject the very fabric of reality that loving folks around you take for granted and actually like (or say they like it or are too afraid to admit they don't or don't even realize they don't like it or haven't shared with you that they don't like it or don't dare let you question it because, well, that's scary).

So I'm taking this moment right here, right now. I have had ENOUGH. I want the world to change. I want this life to change. I want it for us all, not just for me and my family. I want us all to question clocks and calendars even. Yes, RADICALLY CHANGE, did I mention that part? Radically.

I want the pursuit of happiness to actually mean something. I want to live in a world where we actually pursue happiness over earning a living. Can you imagine anything so radical as that? Can you imagine doing that which feeds your soul every day?

But that means there have to be a lot of us questioning what's happening now. Not just a few. So I'm looking for a whole lotta souls out there to join me. Can we change the world? Yes. I think so. I know so. All we have to do is question the one we're in. Oh, and have a vision of where we'd like to be.

What's your vision?

Please share it with me! Let's inspire each other to make some real change. Our children deserve it. And so do we.