Friday, September 9, 2011

What's in a Name?

Indigo Moone Goddess
work in progress

Indigo.

So what's this all about, you ask?
(Or you haven't asked, because you are not part of the Facebook addiction.)

I changed my name on Facebook last week.

Indigo Carlton.

I did it for fun. I did it to try it on. I did it because, well, why the heck not?

Quite a few years ago I joined a monthly goddess circle, as I became more involved in it I needed to choose a circle name. I remember wanting my new name to "come to me," to be an intuitive thing, not a well thought out analyzed Virgo decision.

So I listened. I waited. I tried not to force it. Many names came and went during that process but none fit, none felt right.

But, much to my surprise, being patient actually worked. The name Indigo popped into my head and it felt completely right. The word 'moone' was added on to make the numerology of the letters add up to something powerful (oh, the numbers add up to 5, I don't remember now why I decided that was a powerful one, but in hindsight oh, gee, maybe, just maybe, because 5 is often associated with change? ya think?)

Where was I?

Right, Indigo.

So you can imagine my surprise when a few months later, when I was going through some old vision boards I had made years before (vision boards: envisioning the life you'd like, using images and words cut out from magazines and gluing it all down, giving life to your dreams... cool thing to try if you never have) and came across the word Indigo front and center on one of them.

Whoa, cool. LOVE that synchronicity shit.

There was my name, waiting for me to rediscover it. Goosebumps!

So Indigomoone was my name for circles for a few years. And Indigomoone has been my email address ever since then too. But that was it.

And yet...
during all this time, on and off, I would wonder what it would be like to be Indigo. Instead of Tracy. And usually, as soon as I'd have the thought, I'd retreat FAR away from the very idea.

No way.

Too scary.

Too powerful.

That's what I thought. That name? Indigo. That's like, some kick-ass cool chica wearing cowgirl boots who doesn't give a shit what anyone else things and blazes trails across the earth fearless and flying.

Ya. Right.

Like that'd be me?

Ha!

But weird shit happens (I'm swearing a lot in this post, aren't I?).

And suddenly, a few weeks ago, the thought of changing my name didn't seem as scary. It didn't seem as foreign. It felt like a better fit. I actually was able to feel that name and not retreat from it.

But those feelings did not appear all happy skippy and ready to go forward. Oh no.

They were accompanied by a whole other army of thoughts like:

-how the hell are you gonna explain that one?
-"you want me to call you what?"
-are you kidding? you think your mom is gonna start calling you that?
-you are so not that image you have of that name, get OVER yourself
-it's, like, a color
-awfully woo woo aren't we?
-"okay, MADONNA, what-EVER"

Okay, so you get the idea.

So, for kicks, and to take baby steps, I just changed it on Facebook. I mean, come on, it's Facebook.

But it's been FUN!!!

And I'm kinda diggin' it.

Then I also had a non-Facebook moment when someone I know in person AND lives in my town that I am on FB with, sees me walk up to her at the farmers market and says, "it's Indigo!" and gives me a great big hug.

That was so COOL! (I love you Mary!)

It felt like, YES, that IS me. I am that image. I am that kick-ass chica.

Made me realize I may just have to explore this whole name change thing for real.

Wow.

And so what this is REALLY about?

It's not about the name. It's not.

It's about how I feel about myself. It's about conquering old insecurities, about fears of being judged, about peeling away the layers and revealing my true self, shining my light, and not being embarrassed about a name, or who I am, or what I have to offer. Or about feeling silly.

It's about feeling power-full. As in, empowered.

And kickin ass.

I'm ready.

Let's DO this!

What scary thing can you do today? The scary thing that throws off the weights of self-doubt and fear?

DO IT!

I'm here cheering you on!!!

Let's DO this ~ together.



7 comments:

  1. This is SO UNBELIEVABLY POWERFUL. I love it, Indigo, I simply love it.

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  2. You are amazing,beautiful,powerful,inspiring, Indigo!!In the brief moment I was blessed to be in your presence, I would say I definitely met Indigo :)
    Much Love & Blessed Be-
    Angela

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  3. You are so happy and free. I want to be just like you! Indigo :)

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  4. You know what....I saw you changed your name on FB, and think I even told you that I love the name, BUT I never thought to ask you why, what the story or the significance was....not cuz I didn't care...NO! But because it just fit. Just fit you. No questions asked..you're just Indigo - my cool kick ass chica friend! xoxo

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  5. WOW! There has been some serious metamorphosing around here!!! Can I just tell you that you just RADIATE light and it is ALWAYS a pleasure to stop by here and visit. Indigo is PERFECT for you! Keep on shining my soul sister. You are creating all kinds of ripples in the water. We can all feel it! xoxo

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  6. Choosing our names is such a powerful thing ... I think that is what scares people off ... taking charge and saying "This is who I am and who I intend to be ..."

    I have a number of spiritual names, only one which I use semi-regularly ... you've got me thinking about why I let it slide away ...

    and I love it when you talk like a sailor! Somehow, Indigo with a gypsy skirt, scarves and a sailor's smile ... yep, I see it!

    xo Lis (a.k.a. Vidyarani)

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  7. Hiya,
    I just saw a comment you left on Jane's art blog with your name change and looked it up to see what the heck. I love the whole thing. My name didn't start as Claire either and I love the whole story of how I became Clairity (goes by Claire mostly). At risk of sounding condescending, I am so proud of you. Love to you on your journey Indigo.

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