Wednesday, October 12, 2011

On Being Liked

What does it look like to live a life trying to always be liked?

Well, it starts first and foremost with usually not saying what's actually on your mind.
It means stuffing how you're really feeling.
And putting others' needs before your own.
Not wanting anyone to get upset.
To express disapproval.
Or to yell.

Can you say exhausting?

Yep.

I'm done.

I am so done.

I have spent the greater part of my waking life seeking approval.

Which means not ruffling feathers.
Agreeing when I don't.
Finding a neutral response that doesn't begin to plumb the depth of my feelings.

If I keep this up much longer?

Illness. Sickness. Dis-ease.

No thank you.

So what does this look like?

We'll see, won't we?

A bit new for me, that's for sure.

But it means I will learn to sit quietly when someone feels uncomfortable with what I have to say. Instead of soothing it over and or somehow minimizing what I just said so THEY will feel better.

It means I will speak even when my voice shakes. (thank you Eleanor Roosevelt for that one)

Sometimes people will be angry at me. They might even raise their voice. Or yell.

The worst for me though? Is that they will disapprove of me.

Disapprove.

This word.

With Disappoint a close second.

It holds so much power over me for some reason.

Seeking approval.

Enough already!

I may stumble along the way.

Perhaps I will mumble too.

But I know this ~

I cannot spend another minute of my life continuing this debilitating habit of always trying to be liked.

I need now, from this moment on, and for the rest of my life, to not care if you like me.

Don't think for a second that this doesn't scare the b'jeezus out of me.

But I am saying it here. Because I must.

Because my life depends on it.

Choosing love, still.

And always.

That has not changed.

7 comments:

  1. Bravo. This is the post I wish I wrote.
    I am totally inspired.
    You have lifted me up .

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  2. oh. my. goddess.

    that could be me writing this. holy shee-it.

    rave ON, sistah!!

    i'm with you. all the way. i need to do this too.

    hold hands?

    *deep breath, and leap*

    xoxoxoxoxo

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  3. Guess what I came back to read this again.
    I needed that kick in the ass today to remind me of your commitment to your truth and also because this is the kind of post I want to read.

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  4. God, this is wonderful. So well articulated and, I'm sure, deeply felt. Thank you fo speaking aloud that which so many of us fear to say.

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  5. Hello? Can i also link hands with you and Mel and Lynna?

    What I am finding for myself is my need to please others, to gain approval, to be liked stems from this truth: I am not very kind to myself. I think my work has boiled down to me learning to be a good friend to myself, to -gasp! - LIKE and LOVE myself. If I can really feel that, then I don't think I will be so dependent upon pleasing others. In any event, I too know swallowing my feelings and needs is a ticket to illness and misery - done with that sister!

    Cheering you on from under my covers!

    xo Lis

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  6. I am flying the flag for our parade because at this point that's what it is ...a parade. YES I SOOOO get this ...just like you so got me recently - we are on the same page sister and I LOVE that just like I LOVE you - deeply, madly and especially when you are being your best bad ass - this is me - self!!!! xoxoxox

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  7. I can soooo relate to this fear of disapproval & the need for approval. UGH!Dangerous for us wild women! Loving oneself seems so risky sometimes. . . But speaking from my own health issues, I can say, that love is invaluable.
    Blessings, beautiful goddess-

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