Friday, January 20, 2012

A Gift

So recently, this place I like to go? The customer service has been kinda, well, meh. And the reason I like to go there so much is because of the connection I feel when I'm there. To not feel that connection has been a bummer.

And guess what I assume? I assume that the connection isn't there because, surely, I have done something to offend the folks running the place. They are giving me the cold shoulder not because they are busy, or have personal things going on, or are stressed about business... oh no. They don't like me anymore. Clearly that's what's going on.

Seriously?

I know.

But folks, this is the pattern of my life. Welcome to my world. From my earliest memories at pre-school, yep, that long, I have worried about being liked. And when someone is having a bad day? I take it personally. What I've done or who I am has offended someone.

Can you say very thin skinned? Very.

These two pests? "Taking-It-Personally" and "Being-Liked"? They remind me of these two pesky beings.



Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Long time acquaintances. Comfortable old souls.

But you know what? I think I'm done.

Done with them. This Thing 1 who whispers on one shoulder that "Surely that guy over there did not smile at you because your parenting skills lack in oh so many ways." And over on the other shoulder Thing 2 whispers, "Your art? A little OUT there isn't it? That's why it languishes on the wall not being sold." In unison they shout, "People don't like you and yes, it's all about you!"

Can you believe it?

Enough.

I just need to get over it. I need to let people not like me. Or not get me. Or not want to be my friend. I need to understand that people have bad days or bad lives that have NOTHING to do with me whatsoever.

Duh.

But again and again I've watched myself reacting in pain instead of holding the wisdom in my heart that I have SO much to share. To be who I am meant to be, completely, no holding back, regardless of how it will be received out there in the world.

It's a doozy of a lesson. One of those grand karmic lessons, you know? Releasing this need to PLEASE others, to get their APPROVAL...

Being able to take off that mantle, to hold it out away from me and to really see it?

This is exactly what I need to do. To no longer see myself as someone who needs approval. Or needs to be liked. Or needs to worry about what the other 6 billion people on the planet think of me.

I need to stand in my center, and share all of who I am, all the time.

And if someone doesn't jive with who I am? THAT'S OKAY!

Sheesh. You'd think it'd be so easy, right?

Getting there. I am.

That has been my gift this week. To see how I have been doing this for my entire life, and that it's time to stop.

Finally.

Breaking through some karmic shit. Ready to kick some butt!

Oh yah!


4 comments:

  1. WHOO HOO! Loving it....so poetical and inspiring. (And hey....me too.)

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  2. When I read your blogs I see me! Or the me I use to be. It took me oh so long to figure myself out! I now know I felt this way because my dad rejected me(I didn't have blond hair and blue eyes) and my mother always seemed disapointed in me. I was 40 before I figured out that I'm a good person who has a lot to give. See how much smarter you are?! You figured yourself out so much faster than I did! Not that it matters but I think your wonderful!

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