Friday, February 10, 2012

A Fresh Start


For the past 15 years or so I have been actively envisioning the life I want. Dreaming big, setting intentions, making vision boards, writing lists... Many of those visions have come to be. It amazes me to go back and look through my old collages and journals and see the beautiful fruition of what were once "mere" dreams.

Of course, many of the visions I had have not materialized. Some, I know, were not that important after all, or were dreams of who I was at the time, but would not quite fit who I am now. And so releasing those has been easy.

Other dreams? Still waiting.

But am I?

This year has started off differently than I had imagined. I am not in my usual dream-weaving, intention-filling, goal-achieving place. I have no list for the year. No solid vision. Only vague notions, and even those I'm not so sure of.

What I'm realizing, and this is scary, is that it's time to let everything go. All the old visions. ALL the old dreams. It's time for a fresh start. It's time to release all the things I think I want and make room for what my heart truly wants.

And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING.

Wiping the slate clean.

There is something called a Burden Basket, courtesy of our friend Kokopelli. It's everything we willing carry with us through our life. Dreams and visions, responsibilities, worries, relationships, expectations, hopes, and on and on. It is completely up to us what goes into that basket. (For a more in-depth and beautiful explanation of this, read what Jesse Wolf Hardin has written about it.)

I feel like it's time to make note of every single thing I've ever put into that basket and then set it down. And walk away. Leaving it to the elements to disperse its contents to where they are needed most. Burn up, wash away, scatter to the wind, or compost it all into something more fertile.

What this will do is create the space for what truly matters to me to surface. I will clear out the noise of years of visioning and dreaming to see what my heart really wants to experience.

And I mean EVERYTHING.

Talk about feeling vulnerable and raw.

Of course I can feel my scared little brain saying, wait, you're not going to leave ANYTHING in there? Surely LOVE needs to be there. And community? And what about creative expression? Those most definitely need to stay.

And I say to my overactive and over-analyzing mind, "Don't worry, what I'm letting go of is how you, Mr. Brain, need to control what those things should look like." Instead, we're making room for Ms. Heart to speak up, to have her turn.

Deep down, given the chance to be heard? She will not lead us astray. She will take us places we could never have imagined!

And that my friends, is what it's all about. Making room for a fresh start. Totally open.

I have a feeling I am going to be VERY surprised. And VERY excited by what shows up.

(Remind of that when I'm going batty over here needing immediate results, won't you? Thanks!)

Here's to the journey ~ it's never dull!

7 comments:

  1. Good for you! Your post reminded me of so many things; Eckhart Tolle and his philosophy of keeping "the thinker" in check and the whole Buddhist way of "just being." And lastly, of a fellow blogger, Heather Armstrong (www.dooce.com) who is going through some radical changes in her life and is sharing all of the nitty gritty details which is a brave and wonderful thing to do. Set that basket down and see what unfolds.

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  2. I am excited for you too.
    I loved reading this post --
    I love the perspective you bring.
    I love the openness of your expression.
    I learn a lot from you.

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  3. Babe, don't be scared. . .anything except death and taxes can be undone. Don't you enjoy being free???

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  4. *deep sigh*

    yup.

    get that.

    pretty crazy-scared myself at the moment....but in a good way...

    i think it's when you accept letting go of EVERYTHING, you get to see clearly the stuff that sticks around...the quiet voice of your heart that absolutely NEVER leads you astray....

    soooooo full of love for you and this and everything to come!!

    xoxxox

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  5. ah yes, I would so love to dump Mr. Brain into the fiery pits of hell cuz he's all up in my basket!

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  6. I love this and have practised this myself lately. You are so right letting Ms Heart lead the journey is exciting, scarey, liberating, challenging and strengthening all at the same time. Yes you find yourself in completely direction or adventure that you hadn't really imagined for yourself. The key is being open enough and trusting enough to take some risks and allowing yourself to let go enough to jump!!!!
    Thank you for sharing your feelings and helping us to reflect on our own!!
    Brenda

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  7. I feel that is why I am here at the Sea. To release, heal, and imagine anew-
    Thank you for sharing your insight & wisdom about this part of your journey.
    All your goddesses and guides say a holy sacred "yes"!
    Blessings-
    Angela

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