Sunday, April 1, 2012

Dreams on Hold

Remember how I said I was going to step up my blogging experience?

My plan for the weekends was to post updates on this DREAM.


I wish this were an April Fool's joke.

We had an unplanned-for tax payment this year. A big one. Huge.

And so in one fell swoop. Swooooosh.

Hear that?

The sound of all of our savings being whisked off to other places.

It's not even like we can blame someone else. This was simply bad planning.

So some dreams that were on the drafting table have to be put on hold.

A road trip through the southwest to a wedding in Santa Fe.

My studio.

Yep. That too.


As you can imagine I've gone through a full range of emotions. All over the place. But I still managed to find some moments of clarity and non-attachment.

Still sucks.

Let me tell you, it's been a ride these past 24 hours.

And yet.

I know that money is just a tool, energy, something that comes and goes... If I believe that this "release" of money means that no more will ever come flowing in again... that the chance for the studio and a family road trip are forever out of reach... well, it's very possible that that is exactly what I will get.

If instead, I have faith that more money flows into my life, that the studio will still be built, that abundance is part of my life, then I have a better chance of that happening.

Thoughts become things. Have you heard that before?

But it's a choice. And the easy choice? Wallow in self-pity and give up.

The choice that takes a little more effort? Believing. Faith. Trust.

Interestingly enough, that non-attachment I mentioned? It has let me entertain the thought that Spirit-God-The One-The Universal Flow has different ideas about what's possible for me.

Sometimes we don't get the things we want because something bigger and better is waiting in the wings. Occasionally, when we slow down and touch base with that inner voice, we actually get a peek of what that might be. But not always.

I'd say my intuition has gotten pretty refined at telling me when something isn't in alignment with my dreams. (Whether I pay attention to it or not is something entirely different.)

I'm still working on the part that confirms when I'm on the right path.

Did I have an inkling about the studio? In hind sight? I wonder... Santa Fe trip? That too. Interesting.

Hmmm... gives me plenty to think about. Or not.

Instead? I'm going to break out a canvas and some paint. I'll lose myself in the present moment. Because really? That's all we have.

But I'll also be exercising those Trust and Believe muscles. Oh yes I will.


  1. Be happy you have the cash on hand to pay it. . .then forget it and continue on! Trust me! I've been there. . not worth giving it any extra thought and definitely not power! It's just a THING. . .your dreams will happen. Maybe not on YOUR timeline, but they will happen.

  2. oh. my.

    the things i could say about this....*laughs with a hint of hysteria*


    sad for the family road-trip, sad for the studio...but yeah, these are just *things* and experience tells me there are other plans on the horizon...

    oh, and my Trust and Believe muscles?! fucking pumped. just sayin.

    love you...heaps and heaps...xoxoxoxo

  3. It really is beautiful in the larger perspective. The universe waited until you had the money to pay for it and then brought it to you to be paid. I know it sucks. It happened to us right when I got my job. 4 new tires and a HEFTY car repair bill! BUT my car man said he had been holding off on getting that HEFTY repair that needed to be fixed until the last minute. And how beautiful that the universe held my car together for a year and as soon as I got my first paycheck, ka klunk! Had to finally pay for it. Sure I was mad, but I had to step back and be so freakin grateful that spirit held my car together for so long until I could pay for it. I hear ya sister. Trust. Spirit never takes only re-routes. LOVE YOU!

  4. Oh wow, I felt that whoosh. This is a tough one but I am so inspired by your strength and acceptance and moving to the trust and believe.
    I know that thoughts become things and I also believe that big losses often clear the way for something even better. Still it sounds like a pretty tough blow all at once and so sudden and forceful. Big hugs.