Friday, April 6, 2012

Dreams...


It's Friday.

I'm in a swirl over here. I loaded up on all kinds of goodness yesterday. Got super overwhelmed by it all too. The feeling that I must make things happen NOW! Let's GO! No delays. Right this instant!

No pressure.

The backfill... For the past year or so, okay, more like 5 years (ahem), I have wanted to do creative workshops for women. And for the past two years or so I have wanted to do weekend or week-long gatherings for women. I actually did a couple weekends for girlfriends this year and last year that filled me up like you can't believe.

And I participated in the most amazing weekend led by Connie H. of Dirty Footprints Studio last year in Sedona.

Then I read all about Flora Bowley's workshops and I drool not only because I SO want to participate in one (Bali? Yes please!) but really? Deep down? I want to TEACH workshops like this. It pulls at something deep down inside, like I know I NEED to do this.

Now, I don't have the painting experience like Connie or Flora, but you get the idea anyway. Gatherings for women where we can connect, reflect, create, relax, just be. Oh, and of course eat deliciously good food in beautiful locations.

This is my calling. Or at least one part of it.

So.

I know I hesitate because part of me is terrified and thinks ~ oh no way, not possible, you? Really? (But to be honest, this part is getting smaller and smaller, this voice is receding and becoming quieter and quieter. And can I even begin to tell you what an awesome feeling THAT is?).

Another part of me, my very Virgo self, would just jump in and start planning and organizing (because I LOVE planning and organizing!) and simply go for it.

Then there's the part of me that is a mother to a young child. That's a huge part. HUGE. To go off traveling the globe for week-long ventures half a dozen times a year? I'm having a hard time with that. Is it a sense of responsibility? Is it guilt? Or is it because deep down I know that there will be plenty of time to let these dreams unfold as he gets older?

And yet.

I have outgrown my day job. No secret to many. It is a great job. For a good cause. But my creative spirit has felt stifled for a long, long time.

I want to live in the now, to accept what is, make the changes I can at this moment, but also breathe into where I am at this point in my life.

But I feel like I'm not doing that very well. That my spirit is withering on the vine.

Sigh.

I don't write all this looking for a nice pat answer. There are as many solutions to this as there are ways to write about it. I need to write it all out to express it. To put into words all the mish mash of feelings I am experiencing. To put it outside of myself so I can look back over it and see it from a new perspective.

Or one of you could just tell me what to do?

Grin.

So that's where I'm at today. Friday. Thanks for listening!

Have yourself a wonderful spring weekend!

And stay tuned... because eventually? There WILL be workshops! Just saying.

5 comments:

  1. Yay! Yay! Yay! I want to come to your workshops! Yay! Yay! Yay!

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  2. No pat answers here - just an amazing resonance on so many levels! Wishing you peace....

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  3. You're putting it out there which means the Universe is making it happen! I want to come to your workshops too by the way! :-)

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  4. so excited for you. I love that you are announcing this, Where do I sign up in advance?

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  5. put me on the waiting list:) one step at a time, one step at a time...you can do this!!

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