That's what it's feeling like. Not all the time mind you. A little heavy though when it hits, this past week, or month, it seems to be hitting way more often.
See, I was gifted with such profound insights during my Soul Retrieval, yet here I am, still "in the same place."
(For more on what a Soul Retrieval is, go here.)
And I'm struggling.
Struggling to keep those gifts in perspective when I still have bills to pay, a job to go to, a house to tend to, family to care for, errands to run...
And I want to say, "well now what?" What do I do with this great insight into my very being?
What do I do with this "remembering" of what I have been, where I come from, the extreme hugeness of this universe?
I realize this is a bit cryptic. And though that is not my intent, it's just that this is the "weird" stuff I was talking about earlier. I don't even know where to begin sharing all that's spinning around inside me.
But I'll try.
All right, so here's where I'm coming from. You can take or leave whatever rings true for you. If however you do not jive with the concept of reincarnation, let alone guardians & guides, ancestor spirits, or terms like "through the veil," then the following may be a bit of a stretch. Just enjoy it as a good story then. No pressure, k?
This walk we're doing, here on Earth, it's just a teensy fraction of what's really going on in the universe. Some of us have invested heavily in this whole Earth thing and have done this many, many times. Others of us, newer to this planet, have tried it out less often. You've heard the term "old soul," right? That's the gist. This is not saying that some are "better" than others, it's just different experiences. But apparently I've been doing this thing a long, long, long time. And though this is "news" to me, to learn this, it's not new at all. When I sit with this tidbit of information, and truly FEEL it, deep down? Bells ring, whistles blow, tears well up, my heart does a little jump. I "know" it. I know that this is true.
(By the way, it's not a karmic debt kinda thing, nope, my being here again and again and again has a different twist to it, but that's for another story.)
But here I am. Bouncing around this thing called life. A life that is damn good, but far from perfect or trouble-free. Feeling all so human in my daily routines. And wondering if I have so much wisdom behind me, why the hell do I feel like I still have so much to learn?
Of course, that's the point isn't it? That's why we come here. To experience all of it. There isn't good or bad, that's just all perception. It all just IS. What value we place on these things in life? Like kittens being cute and good, but cat vomit being disgusting and bad? From the bigger picture? It's just the stuff of life. The point really is to stop being so attached to this "goodness" or "badness" and to just see it as "is-ness."
Today? This past week? This past month? Feeling mired in the values of goodness or badness while at the same time "knowing" it's just a game. And so feeling a bit loopy, a bit crazy, neither here nor there.
And pulling a card that's reminding me to persevere.
That this too shall pass. Breathe into it. Then release it. Let it go.
Doing my best. Thanks for doing it along with me. Knowing I'm not alone on this crazy mixed up ride does make it better.