Sunday, June 30, 2013

Art. Arting. Paint. Painting.

Have finally had some time to dip back into painting. 

It's amazing the selection of excuses, reasons, justifications, and fears that get in the way of putting paint to canvas. 


I finished the third one of the series. At last. 

Here are all three. 

They are smaller ones, 9"x12" and felt intimate for that. 

But I really miss big canvases! 

Time to invest in some. 

By the way, they are for sale. Just give me a jingle. Or visit my website, They will not be at the gallery anymore. Well, as of this month, none of them will be. However! You can still buy my art. Same as above. 

Support your local artist! 

Local artists everywhere thank you. 

We really do. 

Friday, June 28, 2013

Summer Is Here

We started off summer with two days of rain. RAIN! In California, in summer! This qualifies as a miracle in my book. Now, two days later, we will be having a week of 100+ degrees weather. Le Sigh.... I do know about myself that I am NOT a hot weather person. But it's where I live...

So this morning I enjoyed the last traces of coolness sitting on my front porch, appreciating the moment. 

Here is one view of my porch.

Here is a view from my porch.

I live in town but it often feels like I'm a million miles from everything thanks to where I live. Not that it doesn't have its challenges. There are three houses on the property where I live. So it's cozy. And well.... you know, I want to like everyone.... Let's just say it's great for practicing boundaries. Ahem.


I believe last post I left you with my declaration to the world to shine my most beautiful self. To stop hiding. I was kinda on fire.

Then, I don't know, Solstice and a full moon, and Mercury retrograding all over the place...? Maybe it's just me. But it's convenient when the big galactic haps synch with my poopiness.

There has been much focus on what I don't have. Where I am not. What I am not doing. Very very very tiring after a while. 

After deciding to slow down and take my paintings out of the gallery, I know, truly, that I just need to be. To paint. To stop trying to figure it all out - goals, plans, what's next with my art, etc, etc. But that doesn't then stop me from comparing my life to those out there in cyber world that I admire. Wondering, why am I not living my dream? Why am I still working the day job? Why am I still wallowing in past hurts and moping about? Why in the world am I not appreciating all the goodness that I do have in my life? 

Good grief.

Hence. The porch sitting this morning.

Getting present. Just being. Me, my cats, my tea, a brief respite of a cool breeze to start the day.

What do you do when it feels like you are not where you'd like to be? What's in your tool box to be okay with where you are at in life? Please share, I could use some new ideas.

Here's to being in the present moment. May they add up deliciously.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Stop hiding.

Over and over this past week. 

Again and again.

This message. 

In many different places and from many different sources and in many different words.

I'm finally listening.

In my clean and organized studio, this lovely little art journal spread took form.

Now I'm sharing it everywhere I can.

If you know anyone that could use the reminder? Or you yourself...? Pass it along. 

I know I'm ready. 

I truly am.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Expect the Unexpected

Just when I think I know what I'm letting go of ~ in order to make room for the new ~ I surprise myself.

Basil Seedlings. An old, old packet of seeds that I was sure would not grow. Surprise! Here they come!

I haven't gardened in ages. I gave up trying to grow anything food-like when I lived in snow-country. So many trees. Not enough sun. Short growing season. Sloped land. Hungry deer. On and on. It felt like too much work and not enough fun.

Last summer I moved "to town" and except for watering the "grass" (weeds, really, but they are green anyway) that surround my little cottage of a house, that's about all the energy I had for gardening.

Cosmos youngsters, grown from seed. From a tiny little seed, this lovely little plant. Love how magical that is.
It started a few weeks ago. I don't know what got into me. But I bought some seed packets at the grocery store. Flowers. All of them. I've been watering diligently since then. Some took, some haven't. But they are growing! No flowers yet...but greenery.

Then, during our last hot spell of 100+ degree days I found myself at the garden center, blowing my budget so I could buy plants, seeds, and soil amendment. WHAT has gotten into me? I thought I was done with this outdoorsy/green/gardens stuff. Apparently not.
Yarrow plant. Transplanted. This will spread like wild fire once it gets going. Squeee!

Feels like I'm definitely planting some new seeds in my life. Transitions, the theme of the month, and I know something is a-brewing. New growth in my life. Can't wait to see where it will take me. To see what blooms.

Painting-wise? It seems AGES since I've painted. These next three paintings are all wee little things, 9" x 12". The last one is still in progress. (And the glare in the photos is atrocious, although in one respect it kinda makes them glow...).

New One

New Two

New Three (in progress still)

Actually, these have all been done in the past month. But I feel like painting has definitely taken a back seat. Life got crazy all of the sudden. Where did all of my time go?

Well, to be honest. It got drawn into one place in particular. The art gallery. It's a cooperative art gallery and it requires the artists to help run the place. Any fleeting bits of free time got sucked away. Willingly, of course, but after a few months? It just wasn't sustainable. I was feeling drained, uninspired, and cranky because there was no time to paint.

So, as of the end of June I will not have my art at the Sutter Creek Gallery any longer. It has been a most fabulous ride! I have learned so much, met so many wonderful people, and felt like it gave me a big boost of confidence. I know being part of it was a due to a huge gust of divine intervention. However what I expected to get out of it was not at all what I ended up discovering. What I was gifted was some HUGE insight into how I still see myself as small. How I keep the best part of me hidden and private. 

That right there? Best gift EVER.

Now that I've got that big realization about myself, it's time for me to bust out of my shell! Let the real me shine. No more hiding. I've got some work to do!

But first, I need to slow down. Regroup. Reclaim my summer. And see where I am led to next.

It feels like I'm prepping myself for the next phase of my life. If you choose to look at life in segments like that. A big shift is coming. New adventures. And I'm planting those seeds, watering them tenderly, and thrilled to be nourishing my soul into a truer version of me.  

I have a feeling the colors are going to be gorgeous!

Friday, June 7, 2013

Who Am I Anyway?

This will be rambly.... you are forewarned.

I seem to be in this strange never-never-land. The in-between. A transition? The pause perhaps. Like something major is coming. But not yet.

That's what it feels like.

If you're into numerology I'm in a 4 year. (If you're not and think it's a bunch of hoohaa, skip this part. Or actually if you're curious about it, I have some links at the end of this post.) A year of "hard work" and "breakthroughs." Gee, doesn't that sound like fun. But I happened to look back to the last two times in my life when I was in 4 years and it's actually kind of encouraging. THOSE years were huge transition years. Not much happened. But SO much happened. They were years of major shifts, but internally, not externally. So they are serving as a much needed reminder that this year too is bringing that gift - things they are a'changin'. Just not overtly. Can we say patience? Yah right. I'm trying...

What it boils down to? A lot of unknowns. Lack of clarity. Every direction sounds interesting. Then none of them do. Where do I take my art? What about my work career (if you could call it that)? What do I do with this interest in French? And wine? Anything? Nothing?

So as I wonder about all these things, I also ponder who the heck I am these days. For so long my identity was wrapped up in sustainability, ecology, organic, healthy, green, permaculture, back-to-the-land movement, natural living, planning my straw bale house, etc, etc. And though those values are deeply ingrained in who I am, they aren't at the forefront any longer. And I'm not sure what is taking their place. So I guess I'm having an identity crisis? Maybe I should just call it a mid-life crisis and leave it at that. It'll pass, right?

First world problem - the privilege and angst of navel gazing. Ha.

photo credit here
But really? Here's what it is. There's part of me that is bursting at the seams to be expressed. I am a deeply spiritual person. Yet in my day to day life I keep it pretty secular. One, I'm a pretty private person. Next, there is this great fear of being judged and not liked. I KNOW I need to let that go. But let's face it, there are those that are not comfortable with "different." And my beliefs are definitely "out there." My views challenge many well-entrenched belief systems. Second, I am in no way interested in defending, "proving" or justifying my beliefs to anyone. Your beliefs are yours, and mine are mine. That's the great thing about this planet, there are a zillion different ways to "be," please don't ask me to "convince" you that mine are right and therefore valid. And lastly, because nothing bugs me more than being preached to, I don't want my enthusiasm for my spiritual path to come across in any way as pedantic or proselytizing. I am NOT interested in converting you to my beliefs. Trust me. So I hold back. Unclear on exactly how I find that balance. Stuffing what is probably the best part of me into a silent hole.

I'm thinking that this is making me a little nutso. The one area of my life that means the most to me and I keep in locked up inside? Not exactly healthy now, is it?

Perhaps THAT's the mid-life/identity crisis? Duh.

So, that's where I'm at. Really.

Wanting to put myself out there more. To stop hiding, to let go of worrying about what others will think of me. 

Not sure what that's gonna look like. But I have to start somewhere.

Will be giving it my best shot. Stay tuned...

By the way, here are those numerology links: go here for a very basic intro, or here for a more in depth look and to get started.